I spent this snow day working on a new painting. it's really exciting to see all the paint fill in to create something new. Magical. Part planning, part intuition and partially its own volition. It becomes what it wants to be. A living thing with its own energy apart from me. A creation.
Just like me. I create myself with the energies and thoughts I put into me. I've started to become more aware of how I think and feel toward myself. Generally I think I'm pretty awesome, but maybe I can really blow the roof off this existence if I treat myself well every day... magic!
As for this painting, so far I luuuurve it. we'll see where that goes too.
"Happiness hit her like a bullet in love.." Florence, Dog Days
Like many of you I am often flailing toward some semblance of a balanced life. Time is constantly being sliced up into tiny bite-sized pieces of work, daughter, meals, chores and often lastly, art... not to mention time with friends who get kicked to the curb in the stead of these many other commitments (sorry).
Now that Spring is trying desperately to hump our legs I find more than ever a crave to create. Impulse is dying to take command of this tired ship but the crew just will not lay down to mutiny. My commitments force upon me a temperance to my designs on the alluring impulse. I can't wait to get to work! ...but, right I have to do that thing. I have to make a meal. I have to ...[fill in the blank]. So I bide my moments of freedom semi-planning an attack on my next creative endeavor and hope the fire doesn't burn out. I don't think it will - I am, after all, just getting started and I'm a fire sign, that's gotta count for something! Off I go to suck it up and eat my proverbial vegetables. :)
I believe in obsession. I believe art couldn't exist without it. Or could anything for that matter. I believe in getting caught up. I believe in the messiness of life and distractions caused by things or people that catch our eyes. I believe in the institution of delusion. Without it we would be nowhere. Not one of us would have the courage, or stupidity to take the first step without it. I recently re-heard the phrase "God exists in us, as us." In all our obsessive delusional mess we are beautiful and can ride this chaotic wave into creating. And that is truly a grand thing.
As I connect with my artist friends and other artists in my community - like-minded or not - I am forced to define my own personal artist statement. Forced to define my own mission, to pigeon hole myself. At first the amount of commitment involved in this task was the cause of great anxiety, but speaking about my art to other artists has been greatly beneficial. It's allowed me to realize, over time, why I'm motivated to create the work I do. What exactly do they mean and where do I want my work to go?
This confirms the theory I am trying to embrace in my own neurotic, hermit ways - it is only through others that you can clearly see yourself. And not only in Art!
So as I continue to muddle through and search for myself through my people, I feel closer than ever before. I'm setting goals and moving forward in what feels like lightning speed after 40 years of near complete stagnation. It's in moments like these that I feel like I know something; and that is truly something! So off I go continuing to shuffle my way toward the light (lower case l).